I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
where am i from again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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