What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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