if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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