just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
