my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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