i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
