And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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