i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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