this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
