We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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