Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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