my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
