Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
