You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
