haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
