You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
