Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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