Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
