her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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