grandma shit on top of the toilet
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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