so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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