i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize