woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
