Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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