You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
