She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
