woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
