I cockslap morals
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
