weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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