i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
