Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
