You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
