He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
