I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
