so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize