I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dicks are not precious.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
