Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
