'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
