i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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