Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
