I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
