i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
