I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you win again, gameday.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
