I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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