Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is wine microwaveable?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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