He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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