How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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