Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
