More tranny stories later!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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