sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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