either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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