so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
