My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
