Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
