the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
