Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
