I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wear drunk well.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
