If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
