Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
