he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
