He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
