I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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