I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
