how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
