I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
