We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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