Sry I called you an 8
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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