Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
