hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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