Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
