i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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