The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
