I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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