I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
