That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
