we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
