I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
